Laughworthy News Cures Overload Blues

There are times when the news just gets to be too much for any citizen to bear. Especially when you’re in “the business” and dealing with it all day as part of the job. On those days, I just imagine that I am working in a doughnut factory. Arise at 4:45 a.m.? “Time to make the doughnuts!” I say with an energetic approach and zeal for my work life.

On the way in I fancy myself driving an empty donught delivery truck that one of the employees at the doughnut factory will fill up to the brim and use to deliver our wonderfully tasty cruellers to the lucky citizens of Detroit. Ahhhh, the smell of the empty truck as I drive along….and man you should hear the echoing, booming bass this baby gets when the state-of-the-art stereo is cranked!!!!

And on the news (only at the top of the hour, and then back to the tunes singing at the top of my lungs) is news like this……..

From the animal news segment….

Dog survives car injury, bullet to the head and freezer storage

‘Man bites police dog’

Pet cat ‘shoots’ teenager

Vinman: I think the kid’s mother shot him and she’s just trying to blame the cat! I try and blame stuff around the house on one of my cats when I think I can get away with it……

….And in government news…

Car ticketed after yellow lines appear

Hey! How about this?……

Belgian woman sets up Laugh Club for adults

Boobs! It’s okay, everyone has them!!! (but I wouldn’t pay money to change mine or yours)

Giveboobs.com woman reaches target

HEY!!!! I live in Hamburg, Michigan!!!!!!!

Animal rights group urges Hamburg name change

…..okay a little comment on this one. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!! I’m going dowm to City Hall tomorrow (and I’m taking the day off to do it, damn it!) and demand the name of my town be changed to Place I Eat at Aleko’s, Michigan or Place I Buy My Groceries, Sometimes, Michigan or Damn,When Are They Going To Put A Traffic Light On This Intersection? Too long? Okay, how about simply Vinman’s Villiage?

But enough of my ramblings! Back to the trip to the doughnut factory…….When I park the “Delivery Van” in the garage that was built in 1912, I walk to an old elevator (I bet it’s the oldest in Detroit) that still has much of the original brass labeling and cage-type doors. Ride it down and walk acroos the street into the shop with the other doughnut doctors.

Meet someone on the elevator and make the usual small talk about the weather, how was your weekend? Upon getting off at my floor, I leave them with a smile and a sincerely polite, “Have a good day in the doughnut factory.”

Some people get it some people don’t which is a good segway into my last entry in the Laughworthy News segment of today’s ramblings………..it’s about the the Dixie Chicks and their latest “statement” on Entertainment Magazine’s cover.

……..ok, now I’m all for freedome of expression and all that good stuff. And I have no problem with their decision to do this. But I will also tell you it is stupid and self-serving. Oh, yeah, let’s get naked and use sex combined with our freedom of speech to get on the cover of and Entertainment magazine. For what? To shed further factual light on their comments made to a London audience…“Just so you know, we’re ashamed that the president of United States is from Texas.” . There were stupid at best, although I defend their right to say stupid things. And who cares what a bunch of airhead musicians (of any sex) have to say unless they’ve got a history of making sense, like Bono for example. I’ve seen interviews with these women and they just don’t make sense to me no matter what they are discussing. Here’s some supporting quotes for my belief that they don’t make sense taken from the New York Post’s article on the Dixie Strips: NYPOST.COM National News: THE DIXIE STRIPS By BILL HOFFMANN and ADAM BUCKMAN

“We don’t want people to think that we’re being provocative. It’s not about the nakedness. It’s that the clothes got in the way of the labels. We’re not defined by who we are anymore – other people are doing that for us.”

The Grammy-winning performers insist the Bush snub was misunderstood and not meant to be anti-American.

“I feel patriotic – and strong” says Maines, 28. “If Bush was here right in front of me, I wouldn’t degrade him. I have a lot of questions that I would ask.”

Vinman: Like what? “How does it feel to be president…..gee, can I visit you at your ranch? No, I guess not…she would probably ask, “Why are we being so mean?”

She continues: “I feel regret for, you know, the choice of words. Or the non-choice of words . . . Am I sorry that I asked questions and that I don’t just follow? No.”

Vinman: Non-choice of words interpreted: she is saying she is embarassed she didn’t say what she thought she should have said after she made the stupid comments that she did. A sophmoric way of admitting she said something stupid and regrets it without having the courage to just say “I’m sorry I said something stupid.” and leave it at that. Although in reality, it is also a shame that any entertainer courageous enough to admit they said something stupid would be equally chastised by the “other side.” Back to the article…..

Maguire even claims that the singers’ grandparents back in Lubbock, Texas, have been affected by the fallout.

“[Maines] was concerned for her grandmother, who’s catching [flak] from all her friends, and our grandfather is catching [flak] at the nursing home,” Maguire gripes.

Backpedaling, she adds: “No I’m not truly embarrassed that, you know, President Bush is from my state. That’s not really what I care about.”

No, obviously that’s not what they care about. What they obviously care about is keeping themselves in the limelight and trying to keep their record sales up. If they didn’t do something like this, they would just be remembered for the group that fell off the charts after they made stupid statements during a concert in Brittain.

Simply put, they are doing this to try to save the very asses they almost show on the cover of the magazine. And I have to wonder how much flak Grandma Maines is going to get NOW over this publicity debacle.

This item, while laughable is the ony item in Laughable News the Vinman does not find funny. He is embarrassed for the women. More power to them for making a statement…….but SAY SOMETHING!!!! We know you have the right to say stupid things under the freddom of speech gurantee…don’t do it twice! (Yes, I feel much better now).

And if they really want to prove this is about a cause, them I suggest they announce these phony tatoos will be permanent fixtures on their bodies and that they will expose them at every concert!

I think it’s time the doughnut doctor had a cup of coffee……….and oh, yeah — a dougnut.

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